Fractured Fairy Tales: 13 Helmets, or Count the Puns!

To review the wonderful array of set phrases and cliches in this video from Rocky and Bullwinkle, and to help you count the puns, here are some of the video's best lines:

There was no such thing as monotony in Merry Olde England

Whenever things got dull ...

Eventually, one solitary knight emerged victorious to receive the plaudits of his king.

On this particular occasion, it was a gallant but rotund fellow named Sir Cumference.

It was discovered to everyone's horror that that last chap was not a chap at all ...

I've a good mind to de-knight you. Instead I shall send you to Chickenshire.

Chickenshire, the most cowardly town in the nation, was well-named.

Run for your lives! There's a lion in the streets.

Sir Cumference and his wife set up housekeeping in a large but run-down castle on the edge of town.

Each day, one or more Chickenshireans would run up to the drawbridge, grab the trumpet that hung from the tree, and let go with a deafening blast.

It was occurences like that that turned a once-proud knight into a lazy loafer.

The years went by, and the only fighting Sir Cumference did was with his wife.

Dragon U. [University] ... where dragons of all shapes and sizes studied in the art of combat.

We're just in time for graduation exercises.

It is with the utmost pride that I hand out these diplomas.

Dragon after dragon took his scroll, received a heartfelt pawshake, and left the stand. All but one, named Milo.

I'm afraid you've flunked again, Milo.

I've been a senior for forty years and I still haven't granulated. [graduated]

Calculus, Milo. You're weak in calculus.

There must be some way I can become a full-fledged dragon.

A dragon could slay 13 knights and thus attain dragonhood.

It was either that or another semester....

I wouldn't know a knight if I saw one.

His meanderings eventually took him to a tiny hamlet where he spotted something of great interest.

There, nestled snugly beneath the tree stood a helmet shop.

And the helmet I should like you to get belongs to a knight named Sir Cumference.

It's not one of the villagers, lovey, it's a dragon.

All my days are draggin' ... but I'll take a look.

I said, bring down your battle-axe!

Under cover of darkness he stole into the castle and made off with Sir Cumference's wife.

Jumping into his armor, he rushed out of the castle and engaged the dragon in mortal combat.

Look, Milo, why are you after my scalp?

And Sir Cumference was filled in on his opponent's plight.

I'm proud of you, my boy.

It was nothing, Dean.

There is one small formality.

And after eating them, he wasn't much good for anything. You might say, he had one too many ... knightcaps. (nightcap = стаканчик спиртного на ночь)